Confidence.

I've been meaning to write this blog for months....

Confidence (n.) - a feeling of self-assurance arising from one's appreciation of one's own abilities or qualities.

Here I am, deep in my 20s.  I've learned a lot in my "short" life span.  But one thing I haven't grasped full understanding of is how confidence is taught or if it's taught.  Confidence is weird.  I am learning after a certain age; it's something you either have, or don't.  I used to think you could be taught confidence, but I am unsure of that.  I know families with several kids that are now adults.  Some of the adults in that same family have confidence, some do not.

A few months ago someone asked me an interesting question.  He said "where do you get your confidence from?  Was it instilled in you as a kid?"  Great question!  Random, but great question.  My answer was long.  Longer than I intend for this blog post to be... I will have to give you all the short answer.

In a nutshell, my confidence is set around one quote: "I don't think I'm better than anyone, but I also don't think anyone is better than me".  I live my life with this quote constantly replaying in my head.  I am the person to apply to a job that I know I'm "under-qualified" for (under-qualified by society's standards because if you ask me I’m qualified for the majority of jobs).  Why do I apply?  Because I have enough confidence in myself that I'll figure it out.  Whatever that job is, it'll get done because I am competent and capable.  In addition, it's not my job to weed myself out of opportunities.  That's why there's hiring managers, and that's why we submit resumes.  I'm not interested in fueling the theory that I'm not enough. 

While I've finally got to a comfortable point in life, it wasn't always like this.  My confidence took a lot to get used to.  In college, a lot of people tried to make me feel bad about believing in myself no matter my circumstances.  People who lack confidence or belief in self are intimated by those who embody confidence.  If I say "I'm the smartest in my class", someone who lacks confidence will take that statement as me thinking everyone else in the class is dumb or something equally condescending.  The idea you have to put someone down to build yourself up is small-minded.  When it comes to my thoughts regarding my abilities and potential, trust me when I say others are the last thing I think of. #SorryNotSorry

The last few years I've been coaching middle school basketball. When facing "good" teams, it's easy for kids to get intimidated.  I put good in quotation fingers because you never really know someone is "good" at something until they show you.  Our minds trick us into mentally defeating ourselves before the game has even begun.  Personally intimidation never worked for me.  My coaching philosophy is “if a team is better than us, they’ll have to show us”. I don’t care about height, stats, or any of that. People lose everyday.  That's not just in sports, but life.  Ls (losses) are given out daily, and no one is safe from an L-free life.  

I always believe I will somehow come out on top so I never count myself out.  Even when it may seem I have no chance and all odds are against me, I still believe I'll come out on top.  Why is that?  I think it's because I don't believe I'm counted out until I've literally been counted out.  Everything is mine, until it's not.  If someone is smarter than me, they better show me.  If they're stronger, they better show me, so on and so forth.   And trust me, I have been "shown" PLENTY of times!  However, I sleep like a baby knowing they proved themselves and I didn't just give up on myself without them doing so.  I gave my best effort, and that's that.

In closing, confidence has helped my through my darkest times.  Confidence is what kept me optimistic about getting a job when I was unemployed.  Confidence is what led me to publish my first book.  Confidence in my ability to be responsible and in my ability to manage money is what drove me to buy my first house at 24.  Confidence is exemplified in every move I make.  Confidence is what keeps me going, and keeps be believing the sky is my limit.  I pray everyone finds theirs.