A month late, but ready for 2018...
2017.
What-a-year. I hesitated writing this post because I hadn’t fully processed 2017. We are now a month and three days into the year, and I can honestly say I have fully processed 2017. 2017 brought me a lot of pain. 2017 also brought me happiness and showed me signs of life. Last year was a great learning experience and everything that should have broken me only made me stronger. There were 3 things I learned in 2017 that will stay with me forever...
Get in tune with self. Usually I am good with words, but I have a hard time explaining this to people. Basically; know your intent and stand by your decisions. 2017 was the year of doing what was best for me and being so comfortable with myself and decisions that no one could made me feel guilty for doing what is right for me. I am far from a people pleaser, but often people will try to get you to do what they need or want you to do. This could be family, friends, coworkers, etc. By nature, people usually don’t want the people they truly care about to be upset with them. 2017 was the year of mastering and understanding that my decisions are what’s best for me, and that's just how it goes. The days of doing things out of guilt, or because it’s needed (despite not wanting to) are no more. Last year I lived in my truth by using my best judgment to find the balance between doing what’s best for me and doing what I deem right. I've found comfort in assertive decision-making. The whole world could be upset with me and I sleep like a baby knowing I analyzed the situation with an open mind and used my best judgement to bring myself peace in the situation. I sleep like a baby at night knowing the decision was 100% mine and that I made it while upholding my morality and ethics. WHEW. It took a while to get there, but we made it.
Let people… people. I have a saying I always use: people gon’ people. It’s one of my favorite sayings. It means “people will do as people does”. As much as we would like to pretend people’s upbringings and exposure to “good” will turn them into God-fearing, upstanding citizens... it doesn’t. People do what they want with no regards to anything but themselves. People work independently as people. Their decisions are for self, and it’s been that way since the beginning of time. I used to let people who fell short of my expectations disappoint me. These were my expectations for them based who I understood them to be prior to knowing them in-depth. It would disappoint me because I knew said people were better than they exemplified, or so I thought I knew. My reality is people owe me nothing. If I am a good person to someone, that doesn’t automatically make them do right by me. A lot of people are for themselves before even considering others, so why the disappointment? People gon people. This is exactly what people are “supposed” to do so why get all worked up over it? Let it be.
Slow down. Vague, I know. 2017 taught me to slow down. Have you ever heard that song Drive Slow by Kanye West? Something like that... I wanted it all by age 25. I wanted a house, to live in NYC, be a college grad, own my own business, and all these other things. It was hard work, but all were accomplished. So what happens when you cross all the goals off your list by age 25? Naturally, you make bigger goals. And after that? Bigger goals. But never in the plan is to relax and enjoy your accomplishments. The more I obtain, the more I want.
Since my grandma’s stroke in April of 2017, my world has been moving in slow motion. I find myself calling her daily, and sometimes several times each day just to check in with her. I cut back on chasing my personal dreams to focus on family in this time of need. In theory I should be able to do both, but my reality is I can’t at this time so I have to pick one. I call this the "Back to the Basics" chapter of my life. I was cooking more in 2017 because I wasn’t always on the move. I lost a lot of weight in 2017 (just in time for my high school reunion) from having time to work out and focus on eating healthy. I strengthened my mental 2017, and it was just a year of slowing down and getting back to the basics, and back to me.
2017 was something else. I am not one of those people like “I wouldn’t trade it for the world” because that would be a lie. I will say through the ugly, I was able to find the beauty and peace. The beauty is in my growth and who I was able to become. Heading into 2018, I have a new set of goals. The goals are not as ambitious as previous goals because I have to balance slowing down, and achieving success. I am ready for what 2018 has in-store, and I came into the new year with no expectations. I came into 2018 with a basic plan and few goals, and I'm hoping for the best.